3 Days of ECMO

Many times since November 3rd (the day we found out about Ryker's condition at 20 weeks gestation) I have sat by my kids beds watching them sleep. While I do this I not only analyze every little detail about my beautiful children & how blessed I am to have them, but I watch their every breath in...every breath out & place my hand over their hearts to feel their tiny hearts beating in their chests. In the beginning I would frequently find myself becoming somewhat disappointed with myself for being so naive about the reality of life, prior to Ryker's diagnosis. Thinking, as I feel my two beautiful daughter's hearts beating "I never once had the thought cross my mind if your heart was working properly or if all your organs were in the correct positions, I just always assumed everything was perfect & took advantage of knowing that" Sometimes I would get too caught up in it, I had to stop myself & just be grateful that God was showing me another way now & that I was never going to be that naive again. Just during the months of pregnancy this experience changed my life forever, coming to the true reality of NEVER taking advantage of the amazing things that are right in front of you....the things you have TODAY!! Then- I gave birth to my Miracle Baby, Ryker.... This Absolutely Beautiful & Perfect Baby Boy! Since that day I have truly known the power of love & the impact that love has in every person's life. I have done everything in my power to not EVER take advantage of another second with any of my children & to truly appreciate the positives in every circumstance. And up to this point I can honestly say I did.

Then on Tuesday September 4th my beautiful baby boy's heart stopped beating.....By far thee hardest, most traumatic moment of my entire life! Thanks be to God, Ryker was within the walls of this wonderful Boston Children’s Hospital & was able to be placed onto ECMO (The highest possible form of life support) that then saved his life! While on ECMO I would lay by Ryker's side & watch his tummy as it went in & out to the 10 breaths per minute that the ventilator was allowed to take for him. But as I watched his chest, searching for a rhythm, it did not move...It was Terrifying! When a heart is unable to beat on it’s own, the ECMO circuit does the work for the heart, but the ECMO circuit “flows” blood through the heart rather than “pumping” blood through the heart. So during the time that Ryker’s heart wasn’t working properly on it’s own, his heart didn’t beat....It was beyond all words...Terrifying! It ripped me apart seeing a still chest on my innocent baby boy. I would try to feel his pulses on all four extremities & there was none. Then at his neck...none. For 3 LONG days, I was so scared! I knew full well that my baby boy was as close to death as anyone could ever be & without that wonderful circuit, my sweet, innocent baby would no longer be with us!  He was literally hanging by a thread & there was nothing that I could do about it. For 3 days I never left his side, unless I was letting our wonderful Family members see him, who came out during this extremely hard time. I sat by his side & prayed...I pleaded with God to let me keep him. I lived on coffee, juice & water, because they were the only things I could take in his room. Many times I would fall asleep with my head by his body because I was so scared to leave him.

On September 7th Jason & I were able to breathe once again, as my brave baby boy was taken off of ECMO. I had always known that I had such an amazing & brave baby, but to know full well how many Doctors didn’t know if he would ever come off of ECMO & here he was, once again beating his perfect tiny heart all on his own....I couldn’t be more proud of my courageous boy! 

Thank you God for always watching over my Sweet Little Miracle & Thank you Boston Children’s Hospital for saving my Beautiful Baby Boy’s life!!