#1
Today is the first day I have been able to bring myself to get onto my sweet Ryker's page & read through all the many comments of true love for my beautiful boy. I sit here completely astounded by the incredible amount of real & true, outpouring of love for my baby! It leaves me sobbing! I have always known how special our little Miracle Boy is & that he has touched & changed so many lives....but I had no idea how many lives & how deeply he impacted them. I cannot even fathom the idea of continuing on our lives without our perfect little baby boy! I keep waking up hoping & praying it was a terrible dream & I will look down to him snug in my arms, then I can kiss his sweet head & he can look at me once again with those big beautiful blue eyes that just make my soul dance! We miss him more than words could ever truly express! I don't know how this can ever get easier or less painful, but it brings me so much peace to know that he will never again feel any kind of pain! My heart is left shattered & broken, but his is finally whole & beautiful like we have always dreamed it should be! My sweet Addi continues to tell me- "You don't need to cry Mommy, he is still here with us, we just can't see him! Ryker is an angel now & I can feel him in heart!" My sweet little Addi's innocence & her & Braylee's extremely close connection that they still have with their baby brother, is what is going to help me to get through this extremely hard time & I am thanking God everyday that I still have them!
Thank you all for taking time to let us know how much you love our boy, it means more to us that you could ever understand! ~ Rachel
#2
Just watched as the flight team boarded my sweet boy onto the plane in the tiniest little box.....:( I did not think this would be the way we would take him to Utah for his very first time. I have been asked many times throughout the last year if we would ever move back to Utah & my response was always- "I really pray we don't" Because I knew this would be the only way we would be going back...if we lost him. We knew Ryker would forever need the care of the wonderful team at Boston Children's Hospital & wanted to stay in the exact place that he needed to be. So, as much as we are very excited to get back to our amazing & selfless big boys in Utah...this is absolutely gut wrenching!! Please pray for my family to survive this all. ~ Rachel
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